That One Time When I “Met” Bob Odenkirk

A crummy week becomes tolerable in the end after helping Bob Odenkirk at Walgreens. You could even say it was all good, man (sorry, had to do it).

As you may or may not know, Bob Odenkirk was – well, still is – Saul Goodman on Breaking Bad. He’s also done other work, obviously, such as his role on Fargo (the TV show, not the movie). I think it’s safe to say he’s famous, although he’s clearly not on the same level as, say, Tom Cruise or even some of his Breaking Bad costars.

And that’s fine. I wouldn’t be surprised if he prefers it that way. Besides, Saul Goodman was good enough of a character to merit a spinoff show, Better Call Saul, so I’m sure Odenkirk isn’t losing sleep over his celebrity status.

Anyway, I was working on Friday night at my local Walgreens. It had been a rough week due to some unfortunate events – none of them serious (but still) – and there was a fairly big cloud hovering over my head. Of course, I wasn’t being a grouch at work or anything, but let’s just say my angst was not alleviated by working on a Friday (and knowing I was assigned to the cash register on Saturday and Sunday).

So there I was, walking towards the back of the store, when a guy and two kids pop out from the corner. I look at the guy and something about him is… familiar. Then, I realize: Holy shit! That’s Bob Odenkirk!

I would have said something right then, but I didn’t for a few reasons:

1. He was with his kids and I didn’t want to bother him.

2. I work at a Walgreens in an Illinois suburb. It’s not entirely obsolete by any means (especially in financial/status terms), but let’s just say I would expect something like this to happen in Beverly Hills. Not my neighborhood. Therefore, I was skeptical as to whether it was really him or not. Even though his appearance and voice matched Bob Odenkirk’s.

Also, I didn’t want to get stuck on a list like this.

3. After what happened with Kevin Hart and that National Car Rental driver, I wasn’t taking any chances. Not only is my job actually pretty decent – especially for the type of job it is – but I need that money, cuh! I wasn’t about to get fired for drooling over a celebrity!

I’m standing there, in shock, and he asks me where to find some stuff. I tell him calmly (really, I should get nominated for an Oscar this year) and then he walks away. As I’m pondering my next step, my mom shows up out of nowhere and I tell her the deal.

She says I should go say something. As usual, she’s dreaming of some type of better-than-best-case scenario, where Odenkirk and I hit it off and we fly away to Hollywood and make copious amounts of cash. Regardless, I’m still being a chicken so I say I’m not going to bother the guy.

Then, she walks over to the register where he is, and “sneakily” peeks at him. I’m not sure what the point of that was, since she has no idea who he is or why he’s on a different level than presumably you and definitely me.

He leaves, and I promptly tell all my assistant managers and Maria, the person at the register, who he is. Almost nobody is really impressed, which is both disappointing and somewhat understandable.

At the very least, I was able to brag about it on Facebook, and I was able to write about it here. In retrospect, I think I would have approached him. In fact, to be honest, this failure of mine is approaching “I like that girl but will never tell her because I’m a baby” status.

The only way I redeem myself is if Bob Odenkirk somehow finds the time to read this and is so impressed and moved by what I wrote, he and I immediately become best friends.

Or something.

How to Have an Awkward (SFW) World Cup Conversation with a Customer

The following is a transcript showing exactly what to do make a World Cup conversation awkward, yet safe for work.

Me: Hey there.

Customer: Hi!

Me: How are ya?

Customer: Good, you?

Me: Pretty good, thanks.

[brief silence]

Customer: You following the World Cup? The US is losing by one right now.

Me: Nah, I’m somebody who consistently ignores a sport I don’t care about. But I know South Korea plays today.

Customer: Haha I see.


Me: How much time is left?

Customer: Oh about thirty minutes.

Me: Ah there’s still time.

Customer: Yeah, one can hope.

Me: Is Altidore still out?

Customer: Yeah, Clint Dempsey is out too.

Me: What? How?

Customer: I don’t know! He didn’t make the team or something.

Me: Wait, I thought he scored that quick goal against Ghana. The one thirty seconds in.

[customer frowns]

Customer: Hmm… I don’t know. Maybe I’ve got the guy mixed up or something –

Me: Oh you must mean Landon Donovan.

Customer: Oh yeah! That’s right.

Me: Yeah haha.

[brief silence]

Customer: Wait, I thought you don’t follow soccer.

Me: Oh, I don’t.