Be cool, cuh.
The way I see it, you can do four things when you walk into a club:
This is for the people who are very insecure or are secret dance gods who want to assess the competition before deciding whether to even reveal their true identities. People in this category generally float on the outside perimeter of the floor with their arms crossed. Some may bob their heads while others have a smug smirk on their stupid faces.
DANCE LIKE AN IDIOT
This category is specifically dedicated to my friend Dylan, who has a disconcerting tendency to splay his extremities in all directions at dangerous velocities and angles. It’s a pretty self-explanatory category, to be honest. If you do a double take on the floor and it’s not for a good reason, the person you’re looking at probably belongs here.
DANCE GOD: ACTIVATE
These are the people who either get the support of the club through insane dance moves or get weird looks because they’re clearly on another plane of existence and it’s not an appropriate level of effort in relation to just being in a dang club on the weekend. People in this category, like Chris Brown and even Jason Derulo, can get dafuq outta here.
When I see him dance and move and feel the music in the sick video for “Hotline Bling,” he exudes ultimate confidence. He’s moving like he’s the baddest dude in the club, like he walks in and all the guys usher their girls away because he’s suddenly the strongest competition they’ve ever faced in their life and they just can’t handle that type of heat.
This is how all the cool people really dance. And like it or not, Drake is pretty cool – as long as he’s not talking about how gangsta he is or whatever.